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Anger

I had never felt so angry before and it scared me…

I was angry at myself for not being there with him, I was angry at the hospital because they could not keep him alive, I was especially angry at the driver who did this, I was just so angry all the time, and I felt like it would never go away! I got to the point where I was afraid to be near my children in case I snapped at them. I felt so out of control and had never experienced anger like this.

 

People are there to support you…

I must have been a complete nightmare for my family to deal with at the time, I was angry at all of them at one stage or another; for asking too many questions, for hugging me, for not hugging me, you name it, I experienced it. However they were there for me, and thankfully they understood that this was part of my grieving process and that I needed to feel these emotions to enable myself to move on, and be there for my children.

 

Finding new ways to cope…

I found this stage particularly hard because we didn’t really do ‘anger’ in my house growing up, it wasn’t really acceptable, however the intensity of these feelings was so overwhelming that I was not able to push them to one side, I had to find new ways to cope. Sometimes I would just scream at the top of my voice when nobody was around until I would fall into a heap and cry. Despite not being a very active person, I found that getting on a bike and cycling as fast and for as long as I could, helped me. I burnt off some of the anger. I was lucky to have supportive friends and family that were ok to listen to me telling them a million times how ‘unfair’ it was and ‘why me’.

 

Anger can often get bad press…

One of the most important factors when dealing with anger in grief is not trying to suppress it, no matter how scary it may feel, there are a lot of ways to express anger safely. It doesn’t have to be how we often see anger and aggression displayed in media and society. Don’t be afraid of it, it doesn’t make you a bad person and you have every right to be angry losing a loved one in your life. Likewise if you are on the receiving end of a persons anger in this situation, its really important that you detach from it where possible, and not take it as a personal criticism (although this can be difficult) you will be able to express your frustrations with the situation once the persons anger has been released and they pass through this stage.

 

Trust in the process, allow yourself time and space, be kind to yourself and ensure you get the support that is available.

"Please note that this blog post was provided by Healthy Minds and although based on real people, different names have been used, where requested, by those sharing their stories."

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